OK so the initial shock of you’re going to be a dad has subsided, a little… It has still not subsided after a few months as I write this and probably wont even when the little person has been pulled screaming into this world.
What happens next?
Well it’s all quiet and the little secret we both know stays that way until the first scan we decide. Which seemed looking back a little weird as we had both discussed about abnormalities etc and decided we would continue no matter what. Saying that, personally I think that is a choice the mum has an overriding decision on as they have to carry the baby and place their life, all be it limited in some risk.
Oh and then comes ‘THE BOOK’, this book seems to be owned and recommended by every mum to be out there What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Before long you start to get drip fed little facts from the book, mostly facts you don’t want to know about your partners ‘changes’, sorta like the excuse ‘woman’s problems’ but your being given all the details as well.
Now it’s not to say I don’t find all this information interesting because I do, its just this early on I’m still in shock. There I was living the life of a porn star and now I have a wife that has a bun in the oven, baby on board, up the duff or in the pudding club.
Now after reading some of the book (What to Expect When You’re Expecting) one thing it recommends is contacting your doctor as soon as you know you are pregnant so you can have a quick health check and get registered with the midwife, hospital etc.
Dr Reception: Hello blah de blah clinic.
Wife: I think I’m pregnant and would like to see a doctor for check up…
Dr Reception: Oh congratulations, yes Dr *** can see you on **** at ****.
Wife: Excellent, see you then thank you.
Come the day of the appointment.
Dr ***: Hello what can i do for you today?
Wife: I think I am pregnant.
Dr ***: You are?
Wife: Yes, took a test and it showed I was pregnant.
Dr ***: Oh, er congratulations. So what do you want?
Wife: I have come for a check up as all new mums are recommended by the NHS to do as soon as they find out they are pregnant.
As my wife is telling me this little tale I ask at this point.
Me: Are you sure you were speaking to a doctor? You didn’t walk into the janitors office?
Wife: Yea I know, the Dr seemed more than a little lost!
Back to the tale.
Dr ***: Oh right, well I can make you an appointment with the midwife if you like?
Wife: Erm OK.
Dr ***: Well if you come back on **** and see the midwife and she will talk you through the rest of the erm, procedure!?
Well my take on that little tale was the Dr obviously didn’t have a clue about women or pregnancies and hoped to palm anything of that nature off to another doctor or medical personal.
Now the midwife on the other hand knew her job and was a little shocked at the lack of professionalism of the previous doctor. All was well, dates were booked for the scan, all the changes about to start were mentioned and a happy wife returned home.
Talking of changes one morning very soon after your wife has become pregnant you will wake up finding your wife sleeping on her back obviously recovering from a secret boob job. It’s like a gremlin or pixie has crept into the bedroom while you were sleeping and attached a bicycle pump to your wife’s nipples and given them a quick inflation.
The next night I watch my wife sleep and I swear I can see her boobs expand in front of my eyes…